kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Success! We fucked roommates!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
