Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
