I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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