whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
