I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
