yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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