Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
