Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
