Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's never too late to be topless.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
