I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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