I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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