Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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