I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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