just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
