I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
