It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
