we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
