You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
