I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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