can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
