is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
