Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
