so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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