guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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