During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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