When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
