The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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