"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
