think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
