Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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