found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
