Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
