oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
