A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
