It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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