2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Welp...herpes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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