she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
