he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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