Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
