i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
