I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
