i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
