Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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