okay pat passed out under dana's car
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
