tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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