this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
