Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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