I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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