I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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