Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
