I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
