38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
