My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
