Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
