i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
