apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
