Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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