I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
