i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize