1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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