and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
