So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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