I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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