was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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