One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
