my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
