I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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