When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
