Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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