man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
