if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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