also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
