i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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