Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
