All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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