No awkward lesbian experiences without me
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
