this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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