the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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