Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize