The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
